Zidane – A 21st Century Portrait DVD

“The Greatest film about football ever made!” quotes The Observer on the cover. Don’t think so, Observer. There are episodes of Football Focus more interesting than this.

Why Zidane? And if Zidane, why not in his prime? To be cynical, this ‘film’ is a 90 minute player-cam portrait of a big bald man jogging round midfield looking knackered. Mostly with a large drip on the end of his nose and noodling music in the background.

Zidane adds one moment of genius to the game, weaving between four defenders and standing a cross up to the far post for Madrid’s equalizer. More fun are his on-pitch comments. “You should be ashamed of yourself” he says to the referee after a dodgy penalty decision [he’s right, too]. His other vocal utterances consist of “Ayee” or “Daveed”, the latter followed by a big scowl in Beckham’s direction.

Only when the cameras pan away from the pitch does it become slightly more interesting. Shots of the stadium interior; empty concrete tunnels and stairwells are images that wouldn’t look out of place in a Bruce Neuman video installation. In fact the whole film might work better in an art gallery.

Zidane has a habit of spoiling his moments in the spotlight. With victory all but secured, he gets pointlessly involved in a fight and inevitably, red carded. Alas, no headbutt.

Some films are made to be watched again and again, but I can’t imagine even Zidane would watch this more than once.